In Denial

I've washed his sheets, baby robe, Boppy cover and clothes in Dreft, I've plugged in his baby monitor, Ben built his swing, the diapers and wipes are in the diaper stacker, I've started to pack my bag for the hospital... so why is it that I'm still in denial that I'm having a baby in less than 2 weeks (cross your fingers for no less than 11 days so we can get the payout on this)?!?

I blame my partial OCD-ness for cleanliness when I decided to vacuum every square inch of our apartment, clean out our coat closet underneath the stairs, mop our kitchen floor, clean our upstairs bathroom and even vacuum out the dryer where lint gets trapped... I think I've officially started "nesting", yet still, I'm in denial.

Yesterday was my last time working 2 jobs in a row for (hopefully) the rest of my life and thank goodness, because I don't know how much longer I could stand for 4 hours at a time with this ever-increasing belly. While working last night when people would ask when I'm having my baby and I'd say 2 weeks, I think they were shocked that I said it so nonchalantly. It just doesn't seem real... but at the same time, how can it not when my innie of a belly button has now started to look like an outie, I grunt and take deep breaths just to get out of bed and bringing down the vacuum from upstairs makes me winded? I think I'm just holding on to the fact that the midwife said last Thursday that I hadn't progressed at all and so I just keep thinking, "oh, he's not coming yet". I know, a lot can change in a week, so we'll see on Thursday what she says.

How can 2 weeks seem so close, yet so far at the same time? I've heard it never really feels real until you go home from the hospital and you don't have any staff around to take your baby and you realize, this little person belongs to me. I have a feeling that is exactly how it's going to be for me.